I am weird.

I am. Really. I want to take a standardized test.

I took the SAT once and once only. This was in October of my senior year of high school; the school fish fry, which I was required to work, was the night before and kept me up until midnight. I don’t recall having a particularly great breakfast, but I never did, so that didn’t put me in any unusually ineffective frame of mind. But I didn’t study. I took one online mini-quiz to see what the questions might look like very, very generally speaking, and that was it.

My Pre-SAT predicted a score 20 points lower than what I actually earned. What I earned was a good score, an impressive score for a lot of people. But not for me. It was eighty points lower than my brother’s score — my bright, uber-left-brained, but inattentive brother who was getting Cs and Ds in his 3rd and 4th year classes. When my score came in, my dad glanced at it, glanced at me, and said simply, “I think you should retake it.”

I didn’t.

I still wonder if, had I applied to an Ivy school just for the hell of it, I could have been accepted. I never wondered if I could have fit in. Yeah, I take too much stock in test scores; but I’d have been at the rock-bottom end of the middle 50%. Even with overachieving classmates throughout grade and high school, I was always in the top quartile, not the bottom. And because I never studied and re-took the SAT, I’ve never known if I really would have been in the bottom quartile at one of those schools. I know it would have been challenging, but it could have been exhilarating, too, to have classmates who could show me up, academically, any day of the week.

Anyway, I want to take the GRE. I don’t just want to take it, I want to pwn it. I want to dominate it. I don’t even know if I want to do grad school, but I want to take that test and win it.

…That’s all. 🙂

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