(Ooh, see how I did that?)
His philosophy was a mixture of the three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics, and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, “You can’t trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so let’s have a drink.”
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it’s not murder if you do it for a god).
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn’t believing. It’s where belief stops, because it isn’t needed any more.
Revolutions always come around again. That’s why they’re called revolutions.
In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
No one knows why the eagle does this. There’s good eating on a tortoise but, considering the effort involved, there’s much better eating on practically anything else. It’s simply the delight of eagles to torment tortoises.
But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.
One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.
Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.
In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
